Love
by tiedyedseashells
Summary: "Love. Love, love, love, love. No matter how many times I repeat that tragic catastrophe of a word, no matter how many times I hear it repeated back at me, I'll never be able to comprehend what the hell love is good for. Love is good for nothing, and I love you." The tragedy of love through the eyes of different people.
1. Popuri

Popuri

_Love_. Love, love, love, love.

No matter how many times I repeat that tragic catastrophe of a word, no matter how many times I hear it repeated back at me, I'll never be able to comprehend what the hell _love_ is good for.

Ha, besides breaking your heart into a million pieces, of course.

* * *

"Popuri, you're absolutely beautiful, you know?" I used to love hearing these words come out of your mouth. These saccharine, honey-covered lies you used to let spill out of your mouth, that would soak me as I basked in my glorious naivety as I foolishly believed you.

"Have a meal, on the house," you'd so often say, heaving unlimited amounts of baked corn at me. Why? Why did you put so much effort into treating me like a princess if you were going to drop me like this same freshly baked corn?

"Gee, thanks Kai!" I'd always exclaim in undisguised delight. _Gee_? I disgust myself. Whenever you spouted your lies at me, I was incapable of keeping even the smallest shred of dignity. You had this crazy ability to turn me into this ball of squealing mush – you were my prince charming in purple. Goddess, I was so irrevocably in love with you.

* * *

"You know, Popuri, in some of the countries I've been to, you can see these brightly coloured lights in the sky. They're gorgeous.

But you wanna know something? I never feel content looking at them. I always feel like there's something missing." You stroked my hair out of my face, gazing at me with what I was sure was pure, unadulterated love.

"What is that, Kai?" _Say it's me. Say it's me. Say it's me_. Oh dear Goddess, if you had said it was me I would have dropped Ma, Rick, the chickens, everything. I would have gotten on that next ship with you and never came back.

"I'm not sure yet," you sighed wistfully, knowing full well you'd drawn me in, only to leave me absolutely hanging.

* * *

I'd gotten in a fight with Rick, and I'd run to your shop for comfort.

"Kai, he says you're not right for me. He says you could never truly love me, that you could never love anyone! I told him he was wrong, that you love me. I told him we're going to travel the world together. We're going to get married and leave this stupid town because you love me, right?"

"Oh, Pop, of course," you consoled, rubbing my back as I spewed curses at Rick.

How easy it is to lie.

* * *

Even now, I still doubt whether you ever actually loved me at all or if I was just a filler until someone better came along. I guess you made me believe that I was already the best for you. I suppose I should have known. I should have listened. Everyone told me you were a player from the start. Once a player, always a player right?

But we all know now that that's not true. Because you changed yourself for her.

* * *

I still remember the day you first met her. I was there. We were talking about our plans to travel the world together, when Rick finally got the hell off my back and when Dad finally came back.

Then she walked in, gorgeous blonde hair down to her waist as she managed to pull off that farmer outfit without looking like a hillbilly. Her eyes were crystalline blue, her smile – it was the kind of smile men and women and everything in between fell in love with.

One glance at her and I could literally see you lose every last bit of interest in me. Like I said, you dropped me like that damn hot corn you once cooked so lovingly and generously for me.

"Hey, what can I do for ya?" you asked with that gorgeously charming grin on your face. I could see it Kai. Your eyes were twinkling they way they used to at me.

Claire flashed that gorgeously white smile of hers, and I knew. You were hooked.

* * *

What was it about her? Was it because she was blonde? Guys like that right? I can be blonde too, Kai. I'll be anything you want me to be. Just tell me what you want, and I swear on my mother's life that I'll be that for you.

Why Claire? Why? Why did you have to pick that perfect, down-to-earth, never-made-a-mistake-in-her-life Claire? Hell, Goddess knows she's never returned your stupid feelings. We both know she thinks you're too flighty, that she thinks of you as that careless snack-store owner who's so indecisive that he can't stay in the same place for too long.

But… Why did you decide to stay in Mineral Town permanently for her, but not me? She doesn't even love you! She doesn't love you the way I do, the way I always have. What could she offer you that I couldn't? What is it about her that possessed you to give up your dreams of travelling the world and stay rooted in this boring old town? Why couldn't you have done that for me?

Oh Kai, I could give you everything you ever wanted from her and everything you'd never even known you wanted. I'd travel the whole world with you.

How could you have just dropped me so easily? We had plans… We were going to leave this damn town behind and you were going to show me everything there was to see. It hurts me to no end, seeing your eyes follow her like damn puppy dogs every day when she walks into the Inn for her nightly routine of drinks with Karen. I see you every night, Kai. Buying her drinks and trying to charm her with words you used to say to me. She rarely gives you the time of day. I can see it though. And I know it – you love her. I know it because it's clear now that you never loved me.

* * *

_Love_. Love, love, love, love. It's disgusting. It's beautiful. It's grotesque. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It feels like the deepest depths of the ocean, the depths nobody has ever journeyed to – it makes me feel so very alone. It fills me with dread, fear, horror. It fills me a wistfulness for what we never discovered together, the places we never visited together. I feel like I'm in this unescapable abyss, where I can only watch as these memories of us play over and over again. I was a young girl who fell in love, and who never fell out of it.

Love is good for nothing, and I love you.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed! Just something I came up with spontaneously and didn't put too much thought into so it may not be my best work. Hope you enjoy reading and review if you'd like!


	2. Kai

Kai

Claire. Claire. Claire. Cuh-laire. Her name, it takes a trip down your tongue, rolling off as it transitions from one elegant syllable to the next.

A fittingly beautiful name for an even more beautiful woman. My light, my life – if she ever left I'd up and leave and follow her to the ends of the earth.

* * *

I love her.

It may sound silly, because I know. I know, I know, I know she's never felt the same way for a solitary moment. But when she smiles at me after I buy her yet another cocktail, and she drifts deeper into a state of intoxication… It's more than enough. She's more than enough.

It's ironic, isn't it? Me, Kai, the 'womanizer' who travelled the world, collecting girls' hearts and throwing them away just as quickly – that I could fall so hard for this farmer girl who I could never have.

But she's different. Oh Goddess, I would call her perfect, but even that word isn't an accurate enough description of what she means to me.

* * *

Sure, she's gorgeous. She's got those ethereal long blonde locks that go on for days, she's got killer blue eyes, the works. She's kind, hardworking, caring, every quality you could ever want in a woman.

But it's not just that.

She… She makes my heart feel like it's finally found a resting place.

That's the reason I decided to settle down in Mineral Town for good. All my life, I'd wandered different countries, believing I was a great traveller who was just trying to find a home in this world. It's funny though. I'd never known that home could be a person, not a place.

When I see her at the bar, slightly sliding off her stool as she, Gray and Cliff all take another shot, I feel like there's nothing more for me out there in the world. I feel like leaving her here would be leaving a part of me here – her heart is my home.

* * *

Yeah, it hurts. Oh Goddess, does it hurt.

When I see her drunkenly lean on Gray's shoulder and hang her delicate arm around Cliff's, I feel this indescribable drop in my stomach. I want to get up and swing a right hook into both their faces, and shout at them that this drunk angel was _mine_, not theirs.

Hell, I don't even know if Claire feels anything for either one of them – although it's clear to see that they're both crazy about her too.

Whatever. It doesn't matter anyway.

No one will ever be able to love her the way I do. My love for her is like the ocean – go deeper and deeper, and all you would find is more ocean. Never ending ocean. Never ending love.

* * *

"Woo!" Claire shouted as she beckoned for another shot. The bar was almost empty that night, so Claire had asked me to join her in her nightly ritual of drinking. She was 5 shots into the early night, and she showed zero signs of stopping. "Come on, Kai, take the damn shot like a real man and the next one's on me!" she grinned her dazzling smile, slightly leaning on me for support as her inhibitions started to float away.

"Alright, Claire. But at 8 shots I'm taking you home," I warned, heart thumping as her head fell onto my shoulder.

"Oh come on, Kai! Don't be a party pooper. You may be real cute, but that doesn't mean you can be no fun," she whined, erupting into a sudden onslaught of giggles, as if what she just said was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

"You think I'm cute, huh?"

She nuzzled her beautiful head into my chest as I stroked her blonde locks out of her face. No answer.

"I mean, cause I sure think you're hell cute."

I inched my face closer to hers.

"You're more than just cute. You're absolutely, heartbreakingly gorgeous," I whispered. My heart was so close to jumping right out of my chest.

"I love you, Claire. My love for you is like the ocean. Deep. Never ending. Infinite."

Suddenly, she leapt right out of her seat, sobering up faster than I've ever seen anyone do. Fumbling around for her wallet and leaving enough money to cover both of us, she mumbled something like, "sorry, I gotta go. Tonight was fun."

She never talked to me after that.

* * *

I didn't mean to scare her like that. But it just spilled out.

I wish I didn't say that.

What I would give to just relive that night, to stop myself from scaring her like that. Maybe things would be different. I wouldn't be the fool, watching her in silence as Gray drunkenly picked her up, bridal style, carrying her back to her farmhouse. Maybe it would be in reverse, and Gray would watch in silent regret as she wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest.

Claire, I didn't mean to scare you like that. I didn't mean to.

* * *

And Popuri, please understand that I never wanted to hurt you.

Far, far from that. But you were a child. So full of innocence, so untainted.

You were never ready to see the world with me – the world is scary, Pop. I was trying to protect you. I was trying to spare you the agony of being exposed to a world that would break you.

Whenever you said the things you said, so full of hope, so full of innocence, I didn't have the heart to say no to you. You once came to me crying about how no one thought you were pretty – I called you beautiful after that because I couldn't bear to see a child like you being broken. I swear, _I_ never meant to break your heart the way I did.

Trust me, Pop. I know what it feels like to love someone who doesn't love you back.

* * *

Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm never leaving. I can't. When you haven't had a home for 22 years and you suddenly find it, there's no conceivable way you can leave. I _love_ her.

She's my home.


	3. Claire

Claire

_I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous._

* * *

It's sad, really. Because I know. I know that kind of love doesn't exist anymore. When I look at all the older couples here, like Duke and Manna or Sasha and Jeff… Their love doesn't seem true to me. It's based on hurting one another, as if they were star-crossed lovers who need to feel pain to feel love.

I don't believe that. Just because two people are always hurting one another doesn't mean they are soul mates. That just means they're two people capable of completely breaking one another down and believing that counts as love.

I don't want the love Gotz or Doug have either, pining for eternity for the one they lost. Yeah, it's beautifully tragic. It's deep, sure. But there's no happiness there. It's an eternity spent waiting for death, because that's where they believe they'll meet their other halves again.

And who even knows what happens after death? For all we know, death is the end. Maybe there's no meeting the ones that have gone before you, no final closure for the afterlife. I don't want that.

I sure as hell don't want the love Doctor and Elli have. So formal, so faked. There's no passion there, there's zero depth. I cringe thinking about spending forever with someone who I have to address as 'Doctor' for the rest of my years.

I want a love that makes the bottom of my heart burn, that is bound so strongly in itself that your every action revolves around it.

I don't know. Maybe I've read too many novels or something. Because Goddess knows I've never seen this kind of love for real before. I can only dream it, hoping to someday find what I know doesn't exist.

* * *

That's why I drink.

When I drink, I sometimes think I can feel it. When I'm 7 shots into the night and I've stolen Gray's hat and he looks at me with those piercingly crystal blue eyes, I can imagine that this love I've only ever read about is real.

Or when Cliff piggybacks me home, and he so affectionately tells me stories about the places he's been to before, despite having to lug me back to my farmhouse, I feel like I could blurt out that I _love _him.

I have to drink, because it lets me believe that love does exist. I need this assurance every night, this assurance that this love could exist. Even more importantly, I _need_ to know that it could exist for _me_.

* * *

But cue the next morning, and that feeling's gone.

That's why I did what I did to Kai. When he told me he loved me… I could have said it back to him, right there and then. I wanted to say it, believe me. But I knew that in the morning when I woke, I'd no longer feel the same. That's why I ran. That's why I never speak to him anymore. I couldn't risk letting him believe I loved him too, only to reveal that it was all said in a drunken stupor.

I'm sorry, Kai. You don't deserve this pain.

* * *

I decided long ago that I would never settle for anything less than this love. I saw my parents every day, going through with the pointless motions of everyday life side by side. There was no love. I swore to myself I would never fall into the trap of this menial lifestyle, married to someone you had to convince yourself you _loved_. I was going to wait for the one who made my heart just _know_ that I loved him

* * *

"Gray," I drunkenly slurred, heart leaping out of my chest, "what do you think love is?"

"Obsession."

"Obsession?"

"Yeah, like… Like you see her and you feel like nothing else could ever matter because she's your whole world. It comes easy. It's complete passion. You can't live without her. One look at her and you know that you and her are endgame."

Those sapphire blue eyes were staring straight into my soul. My heart pounded in my chest.

I kissed him. I kissed him, and for that split second I let myself believe that this could be the love I had been holding out for all my life.

But the minute we broke apart, my eyes widened in realization of what I'd done.

I got up, rearing to run away as fast as my legs would take me. Just like I'd done to Kai.

Gray caught my wrist.

Those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. I was caught in between my instinct to run and my desire to shout that I loved him.

"Claire… I…"

"Don't say it."

"I love…"

"Please, Gray. Don't say it."

His lips fell on mine. _I love you. I love you. I love you_. The thought ran through my mind. I savoured the kiss. It would be our last.

Our lips broke apart, our foreheads stayed together. "Gray… Tomorrow, this never happened, okay?"

_I love you. I love you. I love you_. I wanted to say it so badly. I wanted to _believe_ it so badly. Oh Goddess, I would have given up this stupid deep love I craved, I would have given up everything and asked Gray to be with me forever. To hell with that stupid love! I would settle for any other love Gray had to offer me, I'd waited so long. So what if it wasn't what I'd always wanted? It would be good enough...

Right?

"I love you, Claire."

I ran.

* * *

Gray. I ran from you that night, because I was afraid. All my life, I'd waited for the sort of love people wrote stories about. I'd waited for the sort of love that I'd never have to doubt, because it would be certain.

And with you, with Cliff, with Kai, with anybody, I was never certain. That's why I ran that night. Please forgive me, Gray. _Maybe _I loved you that night, and that's why it wasn't enough. _Maybe_ wasn't enough.

* * *

I never found it. The love I held out for all my life. I never found it.

_I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous._

* * *

Disclaimer: I did not create the phrase "I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous".

Author's Note: That was the end of this story! This last chapter was kind of rushed, but I wanted to give readers Claire's side of the story. I was considering doing Gray's side, but I decided it might get a bit draggy so I'm leaving it here. This is my first time doing a story that isn't a one-shot so I hope you enjoyed, and that you'll leave me a review!


End file.
